Adopting New Habits Gently - Accepting Who We Are and How We Have Changed
Accepting Every Season of Your Life and Your Practice of the Week
I hope you enjoyed last week’s post and if you did do the mid-year check in, I hope it went well. Maybe you learned that you had come further than you thought, and if you set yourself some other new goals or ideas for the rest of the year, this will be a great follow-up read for you :)
Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoy taking this time out for some peaceful reflection :)
From Mid-Year Check In to New Goals Mid-Year
Having a reflective practice like the one last week, where we see if we are on track with how we felt and what we wanted at the beginning of the year, should provide us with a lot of positive things like last week’s post discussed. Some of these are:
Feeling good about having met some or all of your goals/plans
Clearly see what you’ve been drawn to and how you have spent your time - and whether you’re happy with that or want to do better
Clarity on any emotional things we felt at the start of the year - for example, I knew I wanted a new job but I was very unsure about how it would all work out. For me, I made a jump and can now look back on that time and say “see, it all worked out”.
We tend to worry a lot about what might happen, what choice we should make, which path might be the right one. When we look back to reflect on how half the year has gone, we can realize something very important: There is no right or wrong path. Every path is a path of our life. We can spend time agonizing over what might be right or wrong, but sometimes you might never know what is right or wrong for you until you make a leap of faith.
This is not always easy to accept or understand, but it is true. Every path is a path of our life. Is the path. Whatever path you are on, whatever choices you made, they were all just a part of your path.
You are exactly where you are meant to be. There wasn’t another path you “should’ve been on.” There will always be any number of paths you can be on, different ways things might have gone - but you shouldn’t be anywhere else but right here, wherever you are.
This is why it is so important to be gentle and kind with ourselves. Accepting where we are can bring us a lot of healing and peace - even if it is not always easy. So if you decided to set some new goals for the rest of the year, here is how we approach these gently:
honoring the season of our life we are in
honoring ourselves, and
adopting new habits gently, and moving with intention.
1. Honoring the Season of Life You Are In
And My Story About Change and Honoring Oneself
When we make plans, or have ideas and goals about how we want things to pan out, we may get very attached to several things: the outcome, for a start; the way it will go; how dedicated we are to achieving it, and more. This creates a lot of pressure - we can judge ourselves harshly and place undue stress on ourselves because we can become too entrapped by a goal or plan.
Sometimes, this can get in the way of seeing ourselves clearly. We sometimes set goals based on what we think we want - but the more we explore, grow, and change, the more we inevitably start shifting our focus and areas of enjoyment, and attention. What held our attention two weeks ago might no longer be fulfilling anymore. This isn’t about jumping between several hobbies or ideas - instead, here is a concrete example of what this means:
I recently decided to commit to a no-spend year.
The other day, I chose to go into town and browse in the bookshop, because this is something I have always loved. I knew I had committed to not spending - but I thought it would be nice to just sit and read and look around.
As I browsed and browsed, I found that not a single book really spoke to me. And certainly not enough to warrant spending £20 on. The tone, the writing, the perspective, none of it was in alignment with my values. I thought, this is really strange, why don’t I like anything?
I went to the nature section because I had a few books on my list from here. I browsed through them - and I did not like a single one. I thought they would really interest me!
So what happened?
I had changed. I am no longer in that season of my life where this activity brings me joy. Instead, I am unable to compromise on my values, and perspectives.
Shopping, browsing, spending time in a city environment, the bombardment of everywhere trying to sell you something…all these things were loud, noisy, and intrusive. All the practice, changing, and growing I have been doing all year, has changed me. My no-spend commitment has also already changed me, only a month and half in.
So you see, I made a choice on how to spend my time - what to do - based on what felt comforting, and familiar. But it wasn’t the right choice for the season of life I am in now.
Sometimes, we need to make the “wrong” choice - to see it was the right choice for our learning - see? There are no right or wrong choices (you know what I mean).
So when we set new goals or plans or have ideas about what we want to work towards and how - we must be very aware of the season of life we are in. We change as we grow and get older. We must be in tune with this. We should be aware of this, and we should always be kind to ourselves.
2. Honoring Yourself
I do things now that, as a kid, I used to think were super boring and lame. I sit in quiet listening to classical music, I spend hours baking, painting, or reading, or just sitting watching the rain.
15 year old me used to say “I’ll NEVER stop listening to loud rock”... 28 year old me used to say “I’ll always love clubbing!”
But at 30, all I want is peace, quiet, slow-living, and to pursue my hobbies: which is sitting in peace and quiet, painting, gardening, playing board games, cooking, family…I used to say I’ll never be a “boring old person” - but by my own definition I guess I have become that!
Don’t ever be concerned with where you should be, or who you should be, or what you should be doing! What is boring to you might be super fun to someone else. There’s no right or wrong.
You’re not missing out or doing anything wrong if you are “young” and want to slow down; or you are young and want quiet; you don’t need to be out clubbing, or partying, or attending concerts and festivals or doing anything at all that anyone else does - regardless of whether they are your age or not.
It doesn’t matter.
We are all where we are. And wherever we are is what is right for each of us. Honor yourself, your values, your life perspective, and your feelings. They say we compromise less and less as we get older, and I think this is a wonderful thing if it means we are being true to ourselves.
Do whatever you like, whenever you like. You’re never too old or too young. Just do what makes you happy. And when it comes to setting goals, if you make plans with this in mind, you are far more likely to stick to it and whatever goals you have planned when you approach them this way. Honor yourself and the season of life you are in.
3. Adopting New Habits Gently and Moving With Intention
With all the above in mind, you can see how important it is to build slowly, and stay in tune with what you really want, and enjoy. Personally, I was unable to adopt new habits gently until recently. Does any of the below resonate with you?
I always placed a huge amount of pressure on myself whenever I adopted a new positive change.
I would place pressure on myself just to try and adopt any new positive habit that I thought might help better me. For example, I tried to stick to journaling every day. This never worked for me. Or I felt like, I really should be doing X, Y, or Z thing every morning, that’s what so and so does and she looks happy/healthy/etc;
If I bought houseplants, I would tell myself, ok, this is really it - I have to make sure I am taking care of them every day.
If I chose any new thing, I always felt like no matter what, I always had to do it, every day/morning, without stop, otherwise I was failing.
Does any of that sound familiar? If it does then this entire post should really help you work through it, in time.
Do you know what I do now?
I take my time
I don’t place unrealistic expectations on myself
I stopped using the words “from now on”, “always” and “every day”
And do you know what happened? I ended up adopting new habits and routines organically, healthily, and accidentally.
I started taking care of my houseplants organically - just because I noticed the soil was getting dry, so I watered them. I started taking care of my garden, planting things, watering, moving things, cutting plants back so they would regrow, using plant feed…
Months later, people are complimenting me on how beautiful the garden looks; how heathy all the houseplants are! Suddenly I realized:
Hey! I’m doing it…I took care of the garden! I took care of the houseplants! For months I kept at it, without realizing that I was “keeping at it” or feeling like I had to force myself to do anything.
I was the person I always wanted to be: a responsible, calm, person who took care of plants - and who genuinely enjoyed doing that. But I was no longer “trying” to water the houseplants or “trying” to tend the garden. When I was trying and trying, it just wasn’t me. I was forcing myself to be someone I wasn’t ready to be yet, and forcing myself to like things and do things that I did not really enjoy.
Being aware of this and making intentional choices - moving and choosing with intention - based on what you do really love and enjoy, will make all the difference you need.
Whether it’s to structure your morning routine, your days, your interests, your hobbies, to make choices on how to spend your time, to try a new positive habit - whatever it is - if you approach it with this mindset you will gain so much more.
Don’t force yourself to do things, don’t put pressure on yourself to be the perfect, finished product. You’ll get there. Your routine and your life goes at your own personal pace. You are not failing just because your days, routines, or plans don’t match someone else’s, or even society’s idea of success and health.
Your “routine” might be journaling twice a week, if you remember, and running three days a week, if it feels right. The point is, just because you’re not doing something every single day, does not mean that the something isn’t a part of your “routine”. Routines come in all shapes and sizes.
If we do everything with kindness first, we will be succeeding. Remember to always be kind to yourself, and be gentle with how you choose to speak to yourself, and about yourself. If you are trying your best, and are being kind, you aren’t failing. We don’t need to be on 24/7, we don’t need to do exercise “every day” we don’t need to be doing anything non-stop. What we need to do is be kind, gentle, and open to listening to what we really need.
Lots of love
<3
Me encanto esta reflexión
Muy simple pero súper PROFUNDA, es el cambio o necesidad de apreciar todo lo que se ve y buscar lo positivo aunque sea muy negativa experiencia porque en realidad después de un tiempo miramos atrás y vemos que muchas cosas que nos parecían horribles o inalcanzables ya no lo son, o, que los momentos de incertidumbre o fracaso es solo ese momento en la vida pero después de un tiempo es solo una anécdota más.
Siempre les decía a mis hijos DON’T WORRY esta gente está hoy en tu vida pero no la recordarás en un futuro.
Todas son experiencias ♥️🌹♥️