Captain Fantastic and Its Parenting Themes
Radical, Not Radical, Middle-ground, Parenting Ideas
Before ever having a child I had really clear ideas and beliefs on parenting and raising children. To keep it short and sweet, most of these ideas pretty much line up with what is portrayed by Viggo Mortensen in Captain Fantastic.
One of the things I am most proud of, is that none of these ideas or beliefs have changed since becoming a mom. For example, you’ll see viral reels all over social media of parents saying things “before having kids” such as - my kid will never have any screen time - then it cuts to them with kids and the child is on a tablet.
This is supposed to be funny.
Well, I don’t really find a lack of conviction funny.
So back to Captain Fantastic - No, I wouldn’t have my kids killing animals - but, I do understand (and could condone them learning it) the use of this knowledge should it ever be needed.
I personally wouldn’t push my kid quite as hard or fiercely as he does his kids (mountain climbing and offering no help when the kid is injured, just generally being very “hard” on them).
I also think there is a better middleground than saying the absolute pure truth all the time - I would like to preserve my child’s innocence whereas the character in the movie is happy with explaining all sorts of details and circumstances to a young kid where those details would very much be PG13 or R, shall we say.
In short, the main character believes in a lot of the same things as I do, so I really love this movie because no other movie deals with these themes, let alone from my point of view.
He is pretty much anti-system, exactly like I am. He sees through the “matrix”:
doesn’t believe in standard schooling (nor do I) and understands that schools are essentially places where you learn to be a good memorizer.
Knows money is fake and was devalued
Knows the US was legally ruled a corporation
Knows the financial system is fake
Is against traditional housing systems (ie implements his beliefs on the extortion that is having to pay for a roof by living off grid)
Knows the medical system is corrupted and is a corporation that works for profit, not the health of the population
Is well, well, versed in laws and the legal system. Understands the ramifications of certain supreme court judgments, knows the structure of the system, the true function of laws, the reality of what rights do and don’t exist, etc etc
Understands the disproportionate attribution of “wealth” and, in layman’s terms, “the reality of this world and how it works”.
Now whilst we agree on a lot, I don’t agree with the following:
Lack of preserving children’s innocence - some things are better left unsaid;
Pushing kids’ physicality to the extremes he does;
Being unwavering in his opinions and stances;
Idolizing any other human (for example, they celebrate Noam Chomsky, who I don’t even like, actually - just another political figurehead)
Which brings me to my next point - I wouldn’t teach politics and its intricacies (trotskyism, marxism) other than as general knowledge: This stuff exists, but this stuff is pointless. But I welcome my son to think whatever he wants about it - though to be clear, no political party or spectrum or ideology has ever changed the world truly for good and I would ensure he knows that. Politics is fiction. Politics is the ignorant person’s playground.
As a true buddhist, and anarchist, I would never encourage my children to identify with any political ideologies; remember, I said encourage, not allow. If he so wants it, go ahead, but I would do my best to teach him that politics is fiction. There is a scene where the eldest kid Bodevan, says to his dad (Viggo) that he is a Trotskyist and not a Marxist. The dad laughs as if this is a sign of intelligence, to be so knowledgeable on a political ideology that most would be unfamiliar with - and then on top of that, to identify with it. I am against politics completely and very against politics as way to define oneself; this is the saddest way to define yourself. “Republican” “Democrat” “Green Party” “Marxist” - might as well say “Scooby Doo”, it’s all nonsense.
As a true buddhist, (can’t see how his wife was much of a buddhist with some of the things they were doing) I wouldn’t encourage the identification of themselves at all! With any sort of labels - including those which seemed to make them happy because - and it was very well delivered by Viggo - seemed to give them a sense of superiority over “common people”. “We know more, we are outside the system that you are slaves to, we look down on you.” This was a very present theme and a very true depiction of how many people can be.
Obviously, the shoplifting scene I am also against. I don’t believe in stealing - not like that. The Yogic and Buddhist path would never condone petty unnecessary theft. Again I have written about this previously because it is one of the five Yamas.
Lastly, I am obviously a big advocate for homeschooling, but never ever at the expense of their socialization and preparedness for the world.
Which brings me to my analysis!
The Themes in Captain Fantastic
The movie is great. It makes a great point about the absolute failing of the “every day Jo” life. Schools don’t teach, money controls the world, which is in turn controlled by corporations and the top of the pyramid, and life is pretty much a scam. However - I wouldn’t personally teach this bitterness to my child the way he did. I would educate these themes in a softer way, allowing room for critical thinking and questioning.
So, the biggest theme of the movie is, of course, parenting. You see his radical, sharp style contrasted against the modern every-day parent.
His kid decimates a far older kid with her knowledge. Yes, homeschooling is, and can be, far far superior to conventional schooling. That’s why I’m looking at private, or Steiner, or Montessori. And even though my kid is only ten months old, I already have a structured homeschool routine with him that - barring the dead animals - is not far off from what’s shown in the movie by Viggo. Reading, meditating, music learning (we learn about Bach and listen to a piece, or I put on a variety of music, we play the piano or guitar or drums), outdoor exploration, etc etc (all at an age appropriate way).
Viggo’s character is unflinchingly steadfast to his ideals, and completely inflexible. He doesn’t bend. And this is how the movie creates so much food for thought.
When the kid falls during rock climbing, he shows no mercy in a style that Terry Silver would be proud of. It starts pouring, he doesn’t seem concerned about getting them back to shelter asap. The kids are hungry and are excited to eat food they neber eat, he shuts them down saying “there’s no food here” (alluding to the non-nutritional value of burgers, pancakes, processed food etc). The girl is reading a pretty R rated book, he expounds on the details to the even younger sister: “I don’t believe in lying to my kids”.
That’s ok - but shouldn’t we believe in softness? The world is already a hard place. The world will already make them hard. Why should we add to that? I believe a parent’s duty is to keep the child safe and sheltered - but simultaneously educated, wise, and a critical thinker.
Question authority and think for yourself, but don’t become a bitter punk-anarchist because truly you will just be unhappy.
As a parent it’s your job to guide your child. I would never guide my child into bitterness and cynicism.
And with these morals and beliefs we hold, bitterness and cynicism aren’t far behind - it’s easy to feel that way and, what’s worse, inadvertently guide your child into it all. You are quickly disillusioned with the world, with others; their lack of ability to maintain a conversation on your level; their inability to keep up with your knowledge…
As much as I want to raise my child to be intelligent, wise, well-read, a critical thinker, etc - I would never, ever want him to feel how I feel: continuously disillusioned with the world for how it works and with people for their varying ignorance.
That is why softness, malleability and flexibility are needed in parenting.
This Film Open Up Discussions
If you align with any of the views held by Viggo’s character, you will enjoy seeing your points of view and ideas about parenting played out on the screen - that’s what it was like for me. It was also a great confirmation that I was right to think any of those things (off-grid, inflexibility etc) are just way too extreme and radical and not beneficial to a child’s growth.
The movie opens up a lot of discussions about parenting.
If you believe fiercely in those morals and points of view, you want as much of his approach to work out as possible. But if you also believe in a calm, stable, safe, and supportive environment for your child, you will see how these offerings by the family are so very appropriate.
And the point is that, truly, in this case - raising a child to give them the best opportunities and options possible - you have to malleable and flexible.
Rigidity will hurt the child.
I believe it’s a parent’s job to equip their kids with as many tools as possible.
Big Picture:
How the world really works, how to work in it, how to get what you need from the system, your options about how to live (want an Ashram in india? Ok. Want a high-roller job in the city? Ok.) and so on
But first they need to master the small[er] picture stuff:
Give them all the tools possible: outdoor and survival skills, social skills, how to start and run your own business, how to work for and with others, how to take SATs, how to be a critical thinker, to question authority, to question systems and structures, to question laws, to question books, how to apply for universities; how to paint; how to have fun; cook; skate; martial arts; yoga….anything and everything you can expose them to.
Let the kid live life. Enjoy the world and everything it can offer them.
If you give your kid as many tools as possible, they won’t reach 30, find themselves in a job they never really loved, and unsure of what else to do.
I say this from experience; I have made my way in the world in so many different ways and in so many different countries. That, is being truly equipped to survive. So it is 100% possible to teach this to a child and help them be the best they can be.
You want them to be confident, able, knowledgeable, flexible, intelligent, etc - but you also want them to know that they can always come to you and it doesn’t matter what they think or if their opinions differ from yours.
And the movie did a great job of demonstrating this dynamic; the youngest boy disagrees entirely with everything his father does and speaks out - the father and doesn’t really hold true space for him to express himself, even though, with empty words, he says he does.
We see the main character’s true point of view and inflexibility when his eldest child, Bodevan, is accepted to all the Ivy League schools. Instead of being happy for him, the dad immediately begins judging him and accusing him of going behind his back. It’s not until the child reveals that the mom helped him do all this behind his back, that he is suddenly confronted for what seems like the first time, with the reality that no one but him is as unflinchingly dedicated to this lifestyle.
And that, in fact, this dedication is coming at the expense of what’s best for the children.
And again, this is another huge, huge parenting theme in the movie. Sticking to your beliefs as an individual and how those beliefs are impacting your child.
Those with strong convictions, like me, rarely sway. But we have to constantly ask if this is still working for our children, and continues to be in their best interest. That’s the only way to ensure we are remaining balanced and doing what is truly best for them - and not just what we like, or what’s worse, we find easy (I have never done this!)
We have to be brave enough to admit mistakes, strong enough to change course even if it’s not completely in line with our beliefs.
This comes in all shapes and sizes, here are a few examples:
As an ultra minimalist, I could take my strong convictions and apply them to what my son has at home - but to an unhealthy level. For example, even though I come across a new toy that I know he would really benefit from, I am inflexible and severe, and stick to an arbitrary “no more than 8 toys” rule. At this point, my child would not be benefitting from my beliefs: He missed out on having something interesting and enriching because I am sticking to arbitrary rules.
Not enrolling your child in a private school because there is one class taught there (say, religion) which you strongly disagree with. Here, enrollment would be his best option (socializing, learning, a great education etc) but instead you place him elsewhere or he has a homeschooling education which could never really have matched where he could have gone instead.
Not sending them to a camp where they can make great memories and learn new experiences, because one or two of the courses during the camp are against your beliefs (for example, in my case, something like “politics class” or “mock UN”.) I would gladly enroll him in those things, in fact. Even though I am completely against them. That is being flexible and doing what is in the best interest of the kid. I want him to be well rounded and experience it all. I just want him to be equipped with the truth and the knowledge that he can use his own mind to make up his own opinions and choices.
These are just “random” examples but you can see how being overly committed to your beliefs could hurt your child and prevent their growth. This was showcased perfectly in the movie when Viggo’s character has a turnaround and ultimately realizes this.
I think it’s so important to let kids be kids. To let them dream their own dreams, question their own things, and think their own way. This is something that Viggo’s character was portrayed as not doing. He was critiqued for it, even by his own kids, but he never stopped to question himself.
The movie shows us how we should always continue to question our choices and methods - reevaluate as often as necessary. That applies beyond parenting too.
Lastly, on a personal note, I found it a very strange juxtaposition to teach the kids about all the system ins and outs, but have them hidden away off grid. What is the point of them knowing all those classic literary books? Those political systems? They had no social skills which meant they obviously didn’t hang out around people. And the question is, what is the ultimate plan? For them to all live out there, forever? Always? If that’s the case, why would they need to be so cultured and well-read? Wouldn’t general knowledge and survival skills suffice?
It felt pointless to be so highly well-read and educated and just sit around amongst their own echo chamber. I mean, if Into the Wild teaches us anything is that “happiness is only real when shared” (joke!) But - truly - wouldn’t it be more fulfilling for them to share that knowledge with others? Engage in discussions and debates with friends? Be exposed to challenging and dissenting opinions? I know I would want that for my son for sure!
And what about what each kid wants? What if they want something different to living out there?
Just like the “cookie cutter” mom character (his sister, living in the city in a normal house) had not equipped her kids for the world, neither had Viggo’s character. The “cookie-cutter mom” kids were perfect little robots for the system, but they were not individuals or critical thinkers. They were not well read. They did not know what the Bill of Rights was, the school system is obviously failing them, they have no survival or wilderness skills, and they are unaware of anything outside of brand names and malls. So again, they are not critical thinkers which means they can’t make their own way in the world.
But - and this is what’s shown by the movie in my opinion - Viggo’s character had failed his kids in the exact same way. For all his trainings and readings and music and practices.
His extremism and way of life meant they knew nothing about interacting socially, and would really struggle to integrate into society should they want to. Therefore, Viggo’s character did not equip them with enough tools for them to choose their own way in the world. What was the best his kids could hope for? Living in the wilderness forever? Did that truly make them happy? Same with the “cookie-cutter mom” character; she had not equipped her kids to make their own way in the world. The best those kids could hope for was your typical life: school, college, regular job.
To be clear, there is nothing wrong with that - but you see people all the time (and during 2020 it really peaked!) who are unhappy with their textbook, follow the rules life. They went to college, they got a job, they don’t love it, but they can’t think what else they should do, and they end up stuck, doing the same thing for many years. You can literally youtube stories of people who chose to quit their job because they realized they spent their whole life doing and working toward something they didn’t even want or like.
And this is my point; I think it is our job to equip our kids so they are able to choose and make their own way in the world.
They must be critical thinkers. It is so important. They should never follow blindly - not our plan, or someone else’s, or society’s. They should be equipped to find what they love and to pursue it.
No matter how conventional or unconventional it may be, (you know all things considered, safety etc etc)
Hope you enjoyed this deep dive into the movie, and if you haven’t seen it, I would say it’s a heavy and kind of dark movie, but it turns out ok in the end and it will definitely make you think.
Thanks for being here,
C