How to Simplify Life and Release Expectations
Find Calm and Joy Every Day by Avoiding Goals, Rushing, and Multi-tasking
In continuing with the topic of letting go, this post will talk about other ways in which I have been practicing “letting go”, so I can achieve a calmer life. By reconsidering habits, rituals, goals, routines and beliefs, I believe we can live a more intentional, calm life.
Simplifying our day to day will bring us so much joy. Learning to simplify life brings us greater awareness of our present moment; this greater awareness of our present moment gives us a lot more space for joy, peace, and positive activities.
The less I try to do things because I think I should, the more I realize I am happier just doing less. This post shares ways in which you can strip back some of your daily routines, beliefs, ideas about the “right way” to live, or habits and try to instead create more and more time every day for you to do what you really like, or love. I want you live a life you love, and spend as much time as you can doing things that make you happy.
I want you to feel like you do have time. You don’t need to rush. You don’t need to multi-task; you can be fully present in what you’re doing and immerse yourself for as long as you like.
Letting Go of the “Should Be” - Simplifying Our Life by Ignoring the Ideals of Others
One of the biggest and most important ways to start doing less, and simplify our lives, is to release whatever expectations we have placed on ourselves due to others.
When we live our lives based on the ideas and ideals that others have, we are less likely to be happy. So do you find that you tell yourself what you “should” be doing? Do you do this a lot?
Do you think you “should be” earning more? Or going out more? Having more friends, seeing more people, having a more in-shape body, trying more new things, exercising more, pushing yourself more, studying more, working more…? It could be anything at all.
Do you have a list of anything that you think you “should be” doing?
Or a list of things you think you “should be” doing more of?
Why do you think you feel that way? Who are you trying to be? What are you trying to do? Why are those “should-be’s” on your list?
When we tell ourselves what we should be doing, we should ask ourselves why. Why do I think I should be doing this? Why do I think I should be doing more of this or that?
It’s natural to compare ourselves to others, and think we “should be” doing any number of things. But when we compare, we are making a mistake: we assume that the status quo, the ideals of others, the behaviors of others, the beliefs of others, are our very own. But they might not be.
When we do this, we are not thinking about what we really want and what makes us happy. We are only comparing ourselves to what other people do. Then we fill our time and day up with things that don’t bring us joy. We are setting standards for ourselves and our lives that aren’t right for us - and we are probably always going to feel like we are “coming up short”. So not only do you feel that you “need to do that thing”, or “more” of that thing, but it is likely that however much of that thing you do, you will still find that it makes you no more happy or fulfilled.
Instead, try asking yourself this:
What would happen if I didn’t do that?
What would happen if I exercised less? What would happen if I didn’t have the perfect sculpted body? What would happen if I studied for three hours instead of four? What would happen if I practiced something for one hour instead of two? What if I didn’t finish my to-do list? What if I didn’t do the laundry?
More often than not, the answer to the question will be: nothing. Nothing will happen. Why? Because many times we have placed expectations on ourselves that are unrealistic, and unnecessary.
This doesn’t mean you should just do less of everything and be lazy. It just means this is your call to pay attention to exactly what you do:
how many different things you have on every day
how you do them
why you do them
and why you do them for that length of time.
For example, I used to spend a lot of time taking care of my very long hair. Eventually, I realized I was no happier or freer by having super long perfect hair. Who really cared? It’s not like anyone ever saw it, because to keep it healthy, I usually had to have it tied up. So all the effort I was putting into having perfect hair was really just a waste of my time. Again - who was I trying to emulate? Why did I think my hair needed to be perfect? Why can’t I just have really nice healthy hair, rather than pristine super-perfect ultra-cared for hair?
When we take the time to think about our daily choices and routines, we allow ourselves room to create more space for what we really want.
Releasing Our Own Expectations For Ourselves
Having Less Goals, Quitting Multi-Tasking, and Refusing to Rush
After we decipher how much of our day to day is taken up with the “should-be”, we can consider our own expectations for ourselves too.
What are our goals?
How often do we multi-task, and why?
Do we spend a lot of our day to day rushing? Or feeling rushed?
If we fill our minds, days and time up with goals, we spend every day in pursuit of something. That something may not even be what we really want or what will bring us happiness. Also, we must consider how much happiness we are foregoing right now, in order to accomplish some goal in the future. Does the balance work out?
For me, this is why I left London even though I had some great job offers. The end goal of what I would get after three or four years (financial reward) was not worth the utter unhappiness I would have whilst I pursued that goal.
And though this can seem very counter-intuitive, and very much against what most people do, this goal was simply not right for me. So what if society or others consider something a great achievement?
The only achievements worth naming as “great” are the ones which will make you happy.
And what about rushing, and multi-tasking? We think if we do more than one thing at at a time, we’re “saving time”. Do you know what I realized? I never felt more “rushed” or lacking in time than when I was rushing around trying to do multiple things at once. Can you guess why?
Because I was already telling myself “I’m rushed”, and “there isn’t enough time to do all this”. How could I possibly see life as slow, calm, and intentional, when I’m running around, and telling myself that there is a “rush”?
“I have to hurry up or there won’t be enough time to get this done”
“I don’t have enough time on the weekend”
“I don’t have enough free time”
“I have to do all of this at the same time otherwise it won’t get finished”
Yikes! Well, I can tell you from experience that everything slows down so much, and you suddenly have so much time, as soon as you change this mindset.
As soon as you refuse to multi-task, suddenly you have so much more time. You’re doing one thing at a time, and you’re doing it well. Your full attention is here and now. And when we refuse to rush, we are saying to ourselves “be patient”; “slow down”; and “it’s ok”.
So the practice of this week, if you wish to join me, is to implement as many of the tips in this article as you can.
Start by making a list of what you do every day.
Is there anything you don’t really need to do?
Anything you can do less of?
What about a list of your goals. Are there any goals that aren’t really going to make you happy?
How many things in your every day are a part of someone else’s ideal?
How many things are on your should-be list? Which ones can you let go of?
Here are some of the ways I have cut back on my “goals”:
It’s ok if my home is not always perfect
It’s ok if I don’t make the bed immaculately
I don’t have to get all the chores done in one day
I don’t have to live up to unrealistic standards, or others’ standards (be it my home, self-image, exercise, work…)
I don’t need to have everything figured out
I don’t need to have the perfect six-pack year round.
Can you think of any targets, goals, chores, to-do list items, and other things in your everyday life that you are holding on to?
Can you write any of them down and instead choose to let them go?
I want you to make time for what makes you happy and excited. It can be anything at all - make a list! Spend more time with your plants. Spend more time painting. Spend more time with family. Friends. Reading. Going out somewhere nice that you like. Playing video games. Writing. Playing music. Spend more time in nature, if you like that. Just spend more time doing what you like and love. And if that’s investing in something that’s fine too! Anything at all is fine - just make sure that whatever it is, it’s what you really, really love.
From my heart to yours, I hope you enjoyed this and will make time to slow down. <3
Beautiful
Es la realidad, corremos de un lado a otro y todavía decimos: no me dan las horas del día para poder hacer todo, pero, que es todo? Quizá ese todo se puede dividir en dos o tres dias y entonces si puedo arreglar mis plantas , estar afuera de la casa con mi perro, conducir hasta la playa y disfrutar del aire fresco o sentarme al lado de la piscina y escuchar los pajaritos cantar ; he tratado de hacer tiempo esta semana , sobretodo porque hemos teñido unos días continuados de lluvia y me dije : NO IMPORTA SI ME MOJO, nada va a cambiar si camino con mi perro bajo la lluvia y disfruto del momento y los aromas de pinos y de eucaliptos me transportaron a mi infancia y recordé cuanto valoro el poder volver a hacer algo así.
Nos llenamos la cabeza de reglas y formas de actuar y realmente olvidamos nuestras necesidades tan puras y desacomplejadas que nos dan tanta alegría y fuerza para seguir el dia.
Sin duda hay que tratar de hacer pequeñas cosas que nos hacen felices porque todo es momentáneo en este mundo y hay que saber VER esos momentos cuando llegan♥️🏠🌹