Making Friends When You're Older
Is it really harder? And a little yogic life recap
Hi again! In this week’s post I want to talk about making friends in general and whether it’s harder or not when you’re older. Also, I will be tying this into a recent bible study email I received and back into yogic philosophy. Because of this connection I’ll be making and expounding on, I also wanted to do a little reminder or recap of what this blog is all about!
Everywhere you look, it pretty much says it’s harder to make friends once you’re older.
They say:
You have more responsibilities
Less time
Less time to make deeper connections
Well obviously this supposed “difficulty” or conflict (not having enough time for things) is one of the many themes I regularly discuss here.
So before I go into the friendship part of this post, I will share an important reminder about togetherness, scripture, buddhism, religions, and the purpose of this blog, The Yogic Life.
I speak often about cultivating more time for what matters in life, and share how minimalism and yogic / buddhist practices are a great way to help you achieve that.
You don’t have to “be” buddhist or a yogi, or read scripture, or pray, or do anything, to take away value from what something is offering you.
The lessons shared by different practices are very valuable. That’s a fact. There’s value in the Dhammapada, the Gita, the Tao te Ching, Taoist texts, the Yoga Sutra, the Upanishads, the Bible etc etc
I think these days many people are really quick to write things off because they think it is “just religion”. Most people don’t engage in anything that comes anywhere near religion, all for various reasons. Mostly, they worry they can seem ignorant or stupid: religion has been purposefully denigrated to the level of “hobby for hicks.” So most people are wary of religion, and think it is an intelligent position to be against religion and consider it all to be stupid. Or worse, their ego prevents them from exploring it, because to explore anything to do with religion wouldn’t align with what they think their beliefs are, or who they are.
But you don’t need to “be” anything, to take value from words on a page.
At the end of the day, that’s just what it is. You can see the things in the Bible as just words on a page. The Yoga Sutras, same thing. The Dhammapada, the Gita, and so on and so on. The Tao te Ching.
See, there are so, so many spiritual scriptures and readings - and this was always the premise and base of this blog. I was always tying these different scriptures together, showing their harmony, the repetition of the same or similar messages.
The Yogic Life has always been a blog (and continues to be) where I constantly put out my energy and desire for togetherness. Growing up with Baha’i influences, I do think a portion of my strong passion for togetherness does come from those teachings and beliefs; but I also think it’s just who I am. Even when a crowd sings a song in unison I get teary eyed - I can try to explain it by saying that it’s so special how everyone feels that song, those lyrics so strongly - we all know it, they mean something to all of us. But genuinely, I really think it’s about something deeper than that which always makes me emotional.
When I started this blog, I described it as:
The Yogic Life is a place of quiet amidst the noise that the health and wellness, and the yoga community have long ago become. This is a space of humility, learning, and holistic practice. Here we return to tradition, and stillness. We explore what it means and what it is to truly live the yogic life in full, completely. Incorporating Patanjali’s 8 limbs of yoga comprehensively, every post will give you a chance to reflect, feel inspired, re-think, and go beyond. You can then use any of that in your physical practice, or your daily life. I cross-compare and explore study across a range of spiritual texts and stories - Taoism, Buddhism, Vedic, Qabbalistic, Christian and more - to demonstrate the unity and oneness of our human race, and this yogic path.
This is a place for deep, traditional exploration. Where we quiet the mind, the external noise, the unrealistic or unnecessary expectations, the aesthetic images, and the perfected flows. Here, we do not live for ego, but for growth only.
Together, we can make the way accessible, the path clearer, our lessons cohesive, and our paths conscious.
So just to sum up - this is a space where my emphasis is always on togetherness, learning, and growing. I wanted to recap the goal and purpose of my page just to make sure that everyone can see the cohesiveness that runs through the posts - not that anyone has said they can’t! It’s just that I wanted a reminder and sort of a summary really of all the posts to date.
So with that, on to making friends as an adult.
Is making friends harder when you’re older?
They say it is because you have less time. You have a job, you might have a family, you might have career goals, life goals, responsibilities etc. and supposedly, all of these things get in the way and leave you with a lot less time, including time to make deep connections.
Well, for a start - as a kid you’re usually shanghai’d into responsibilities anyway! You’ve got school, which is the same as having to go to work; you have after-school activities, you might have had hobbies, you may have had chores around the house or time set aside to help your folks with things like dinner; or you might have been like me and been training professionally in a sport! The list goes on.
So it’s not true, at all, that as a kid you had more time. What you had was the illusion of it because you weren’t constantly telling yourself that you didn’t have time for anything!
As a kid, you weren’t over committing yourself or your schedule. (Think work, after work meetings, after that a quick catch up with a friend, after that get home and do dinner or prepare tomorrow’s lunch, etc etc) People live all types of lives - I’ve done it all from the rat race to the business owner to the beach lounger 24/7. Trust me, the rat race one, sucks the most. It’s why I made a conscious, powerful choice, to move away from the city, away from the big money, away from living to work. I made that choice. I don’t want to live my life like that.
Just like you choose fruit when you shop, every day you make thousands of decisions. In fact, this is why people suffer from decision fatigue!
In life, we have choices. We can choose to slow down. We can choose to do less, have less commitments, less to-do lists, less stuff. That’s a fact for most normal, working people.
I refuse to pander to every economic and personal life situation here, because the purpose of this post is to reach the normal, regular, run of the mill person. Not to fix the issues of broken systems worldwide.
Most people, they have jobs, they work, it’s usually long hours, or full time; they then have various commitments, some of which they feel obliged to partake in but don’t have enthusiasm for. They follow the general ladder. That’s fine, but that’s what results in people saying, “I couldn’t work less, I wouldn’t be able to pay for everything.” But, have they stopped to think: Do you really need that? (the extra car, that size house etc).
They don’t usually think to downsize in order to upsize their free time - that’s usually seen as failure and taking a step backwards. And this is one of the biggest problems in society.
Instead of it being seen as you prioritizing what you want, what you value, where you want to spend your time.
So obviously if you read my posts, you know I’m going to disagree with the statement that it’s harder to make friends as you get older, because you lack the time. Like I’ve said before, we all can make time for what matters - and we should be doing that.
So you lack the time to try and have a meaningful conversation even at work? You lack the time to speak to someone - and you can be anywhere - shopping, groceries, kid drop-off? If you recognize their accent is from your neck of the woods, do you not have time to introduce yourself? Would you even be aware enough of your surroundings to pick up on this, or would you be too “pressed for time”.
Many people live life in a rush. It’s why slow living is so popular to watch. But what people don’t realize is that small choices can have a big impact on how much time you have.
You can choose to start a conversation with someone at work or anywhere, just like you would have done as a kid. Why not? And you can choose to be fully present and wanting to make a deep connection (considering similarities are there). In just five minutes you can really click with someone.
Or, you can also choose to be in a constant rush at work, annoyed, and just going from meeting to meeting, to desk, to lunch outside the office, to home, to tasks, to chores etc.
Life is all about perspective.
And that’s my point. I think if we shift our mindset and stop telling ourselves the lie that it appears adulthood seems to come with as standard (“I just don’t have enough time!”), we can go back to that feeling we had when we were a kid.
There’s a saying right: Make time for what matters; or, “give people time that make time for you”.
It’s simple. Think how you can slow down, if you feel you don’t have enough time to engage or find meaningful relationships.
Choose to make the effort to go on the playdate. Choose to make the effort to leave the house. Choose to call an acquaintance and see if it can become a friendship; choose to reply; choose to send the text/emails etc; choose to be kind; choose to be friendly.
My Sign From the Bible in My Inbox
I receive emails that are about studying a random verse of the Bible for the day. The other day, I was questioning whether to message someone, and that same morning I got what felt like a very clear sign in my inbox:
The emails are great because they help you understand the scripture with context and meaning.
I actually really do struggle to make friends. And it was this same old internal struggle that was holding me back. I feel like I always give much more than I get. Or, somehow I’m always the one that isn’t really liked or included. I feel like when I’ve left the party they’ll be saying “she was kinda weird!” Or, somehow, the supposed “friend” breaks my trust in some way - this happens so often to me!
So I feel very worn out by trying to make friends. Now, with my son, I feel even more pressure because I want him to have friends and a great social circle. And I know - he will make his own friends, it’s all good…but I feel a huge responsibility to give him the best I can!
For myself, I love hosting at home, cooking for others, just showing my love, sharing my cultures, my food, so much - I love sharing and giving with others. And I just feel like I can never ever do this.
I wish I had a strong circle of friends, just 5. That I could invite over, cook for, even better if they have kids so our kids could be friends.
Somehow, it’s just so hard for me.
So really, a lot of times I get so tired of trying. But when this email came into my inbox, it was so eye-opening.
You see, you don’t have to see it as God or the bible. Think of it as a kind motivational reminder. You’re stronger together. What’s so bad about that?
Just when I was going to give up, I got a sign in my inbox telling me not to - and why not to, in detail:
In today’s fast-paced world, the demands of daily life can make meaningful connections with others seem like a luxury rather than a priority. When we’re overwhelmed by to-do lists and commitments, carving out time for community can feel like one more thing to manage. As a result, isolation can creep into our lives.
We may convince ourselves that we’re too tired, busy or introverted (my No. 1 excuse) to reach out to others. But the truth is that God designed us for connection. When we try to navigate life on our own, we miss out on the joy and depth God gives us in relationships. We were never meant to carry our burdens — or celebrate our joys — alone.
So you see - it’s up to us. We can make the change. We can make the choice. Choose to be open; to let a new person in (again! and again); choose to be friendly; choose to slow down; or make time for new things or what really matters; choose to listen and really connect; choose to reach out; choose community.
Because when we all choose community, we are choosing ourselves too. We’re making our lives better all around.
So is it harder to make friends as an adult? It can be - you have more ideals, values, beliefs…but you should also have more understanding, compassion, and patience.