Releasing Scarcity Mindset and Embracing Aparigraha Holistically
How Non-Attachment and Minimalism Helps Us Find Ourselves
Welcome to this week’s post! I hope you had a lovely week so far and are ready to tuck in to some more peaceful reading. Remember, you can read this post in full by clicking “read on website”, which takes you to substack. The font is larger than reading it on your email, and the article is easier to read :) (This post is a little longer than the others so some emails cut the length of the article.)
How did you get on with your aparigraha practice? What did you decide to work on? Was it clutter in your home? Or mind? Whatever you chose, hopefully this post finds you ready and willing to do some more exploration into all the ways we can let go in our life.
This week I share details about my personal letting go process, some unexpected lessons I have learned, and how I hope this will inspire you to do the same. Like I shared in my previous post:
I found that the more I cleared, the more space there is for me to be myself. It’s like peeling away the layers of who we think we should be, and finding who we know we are, or really want to be.
This realization is the motivation behind wanting to maintain this more simple, minimal life. I’ve found the past few months have brought me a lot of positive change and continuing this manner of intentional living contributes completely to our well-being.
My Realization About Letting Go
I have been living as a minimalist for over two/three years now. The difference is, I am now applying the intentional, minimalist, approach to every area of my life: not just my home.
Letting go is not a new practice for me. I always have closet clear outs, home clear outs, I declutter, and I have been working on mindfulness and letting go (emotionally, spiritually) for a few years now. But I had a really important realization in January this year - I really understood some of my key life path lessons.
Do you have that one big life event that may have completely shaped you? Those key moments, like signposts on our life path, that were always meant to happen because they are supposed to be our lessons?
Well, for me, I had an important breakthrough this January. It became obvious that I need to learn to really let go. Like my entire life was a lesson in aparigraha: moments, situations, friendships, and just life generally was shaped around me learning this lesson. Realizing this was very freeing.
A lot of things made sense, from behaviors, to patterns - it was a really valuable insight and it allowed me to understand myself, and even place a wonderful meaning onto some of the most difficult times of my life. It allowed to re-harness moments of pain into moments of power and growth. I will write about how to turn our pain into life lessons further in an upcoming post.
Step 1: Realizing the Reasons For Why I Kept Things
With this realization, came my desire to fully envelop this lesson in my life. Like saying, “I hear you, now I am going to try my best and make sure this lesson is learned.”
So I started by doing internal work - emotions, situations, friendships. Really applying aparigraha holistically. As I did this, I started letting go of more material things too. As I say, though I already live as a minimalist, there were aspects of my home, like my wardrobe, where this didn’t apply. I held on to clothes that reminded me of my mom, or my dad and brother, for example.
There were a variety of clothes and things around the house that I kept, and eventually, I had to be honest. I accepted that I made purchase decisions that were completely wrong for me. This is why I had so many things I still didn’t use, yet kept, stored away.
So I started thinking - why did I make those choices? Why am I keeping this stored here, if I haven’t used it since I moved in? Why did I buy that dress? Why did I think I needed that table? Why did I think I had to buy this thing or that thing? Why do I always clear out a couple boxes’ worth of stuff every year, or twice a year? How can I live a life where I don’t need to keep having several clear-outs?
Unfortunately, the system is designed around a circle of consumption, spending, and scarcity. And even though I grew up with very conscientious parents, we all still go through our own process and develop our own behaviors. While I’ve never been an excessive consumer or super materialistic - I mean my entire collection of clothes fits into one standard IKEA wardrobe - I easily admit that I have undeniably spent and shopped way more than I needed to.
Why did I always need to declutter? The more I thought, the more it became obvious that I had made all sorts of purchase choices, for all manner of things, and for all different reasons. But when I thought about that item that I no longer wanted, and considered all those different reasons for purchasing it, I realized: None of those reasons were good enough. None of those choices were made because I was being true to myself.
Instead, I realized I was:
Trying to fit in
Trying to be someone else, or someone I knew I really wasn’t
Following tradition, or culture
Thinking I had to look a certain way
Thinking this was just “the way”
Trying to live up to other people’s expectations
And maybe even trying to impress others
Once you start seeing the different reasons for why you made a purchase, it quickly becomes clear that you didn’t buy that thing because it really mattered to you. That item was not something you really needed.
This process is important. Try to think of why you purchased that item. What does it mean? What is it there for? Is it aesthetic? Who are you trying to impress? What value is it adding to your life? Your well-being? This process is crucial in discovering that we weren’t being honest with ourselves and true to who we are.
The Effect of the Last Few Years on Our Mindset
Scarcity Mindset and Learning to Forgive Ourselves
I don’t know about you, but the world situation of lockdowns, utter scarcity, and complete fear, was abysmal for my mental well-being. While this is a post in and of itself, I am touching on how the trauma may have impacted your behaviours, thoughts, and choices. Because it certainly did for me.
My move-in day was the first day of lockdown. In the months leading up to the move (which was planned in late 2019), I was still in London, and the panic was spreading. In the weeks leading up to the move, I felt the noose around my neck and the fear: shortly I was not going to be able to get anything I needed. Everything was closing.
The day before move-in, I knew I was screwed unless I made loads of impulse buys.
how could I furnish the house?
where do I buy a bed? a mattress? how will I sleep?
how will I buy food? A bare necessity
how can I get to the supermarket?
no car and no car access for foreseeable future (due to the “restrictions”)
How will I go anywhere or do anything?
I had no control, no car, no public transport, no options, no deliveries, no stock in the stores…and on it went around the world. We were all controlled with how many of an item we could buy; we were watched to see we weren’t spending too long on the beach; too long parked on the hillside; we felt monitored and spied on by everyone around us; we felt like there were no longer “options” - just “whatever was left”, whatever you could get your hands on, whatever was open, if you were lucky.
This form of open-air prison is so completely and totally against the natural order of ourselves, and our natural world, and it has profoundly and deeply affected me.
I am still trying to recover from this. Are you? This scarcity complex has been inundated into our psyches.
Growing up, I never, ever used to think:
but what if I can’t get it again?
what if it’s closed tomorrow?
what if they don’t allow me to?
what if there isn’t enough?
what if it runs out forever?
what if it never exists again?
what if they won’t let me in?
what if I have to fight for it?
I grew up in a life of abundance and privilege. These sorts of questions had never, ever crossed my mind. In fact, I remember being surprised when my mom explained to me that some people run out of money before the end of the month. I didn’t even understand the concept of a paycheck. (and I was in my early 20s!) My parents always had their own businesses, and worked hard. They are incredible business people with wonderful work ethic; I have learned all my discipline, focus and integrity from them. But they certainly never depended on anyone else for their wealth. There’s no “payday” to wait for.
So I never knew what scarcity was until the past few years. Now, after these experiences, I still live my day to day with trigger responses that are a result of the fear-based trauma. I still ask myself those questions: What if this, what if that.
How about you? Have you found a change in your approach and attitude?Accepting the change that these horrible controls had on our mind is a huge part of the process of letting go. Releasing that trauma is so important and necessary.
Every day I still get hit by those triggers. When that response and moment comes, I instead choose to take a breath. I tell myself to act from a place of love - not fear.
We shouldn’t make decisions from a place of fear.
We need to let go of the scarcity complex. We need to be able to let go of these behaviors and thoughts just as much as the clutter we own in our lives. So if you, like me, made many purchase decisions from a place of impulse, or fear, take a moment to let those decisions go. Let those things go too. You don’t need to keep and hold on to things out of fear. Forgive yourself and give yourself permission to let go.
Buying Intentionally - Letting Go to Find Yourself
Once you give yourself permission to let go of the scarcity complex, and understand the different reasons that you may have purchased something (to impress, to fit in, etc), you are in a place of forgiveness with yourself. Now you can open up a deeper understanding of what you really want.
For example, I’ve set up a vanity table in the bedroom. I didn’t buy any specific furniture for this, things from the home were simply reworked. But, for a few months, I did think I would need to buy a table for the space. And I was excited, I thought, “I’ve always wanted to have a vanity table!”
But in the end, I don’t really use it. I haven’t worn makeup for years, and if I do put makeup on, it’s certainly not a vanity table’s worth - it’s usually just red lipstick while standing by the entrance mirror. So I’m really glad I never spent money on one. It doesn’t fit my lifestyle or personality.
So you see, being intentional with everything in my home, really forced me to be honest with myself. How do I really spend my time? What do I really like to do? Why did I think I needed that? Who was I trying to be?
The point is, I never stopped to listen to myself. I carried on making decisions without taking myself into account. So the exercise of this week, if you are feeling like you want to get involved deeper into the aparigraha concept and let go some more, then stop and think:
Did I impulse buy this?
Did I buy this out of fear?
Do I use this? When was the last time I used this?
Does this still fit my lifestyle?
Does this still fit who I am today?
Does that bring me joy? or anxiety?
Am I interested in this due to others’ expectations or influences?
Do I really need this? Will it bring me well-being?
Keep asking questions: if you want to keep something for a future time, is that concept realistic? Try to keep asking yourself how important it is that you hold on. See what you find!
We shouldn’t live in fear or make decisions for negative reasons, but it is important to do things that really make us happy. To really think about why we do those things. And to really think about if we are just under the impression that those things make us happy, or if in reality, we actually do enjoy them. Let’s not do things to live up to our own or others’ expectations and perceptions. Let’s just do them because we truly love them, and they fit in with who we really are.
Thank you so very much for reading, and I hope you found this useful and inspiring for your journey. <3
👏👏👏 este artículo creo es : muchos de nosotros verdad? Algunos nos damos cuenta del mundo en que vivimos pero la mayoría no, podemos elegir nuestros caminos en esta vida pero no la podemos cambiar. Entonces como decís hay que parar y pensar antes de actuar y si hace falta pensar más de una vez. Estoy orgullosa de tus decisiones y camino en la vida♥️