The Fifth Yama - Aparigraha

Letting Go to Find Who We Really Are: Zen Stories, My Personal Practice, and Our Exercise of the Week

Hello again! Very sorry that this week’s post is a couple days late - I’ve been under the weather :( But on the plus side it is packed with information :)

So how did you get on with last week’s practice, bramacarya? Did you maybe try or think about trying the food shopping practice? Did you think about some ways that you could maybe redirect your attention and energy, to gain a better sense of self-control and moderation?

I find that all these things are a constant practice. It’s about going for it everyday, and just trying your best. And it isn’t about being dogmatic, they are just our reminders and guidelines to make sure we stay focused on the path we want. If you ever feel like straying it’s about reminding yourself: The universe will actually provide better if I act in accordance with what I want to receive.

So onto this week’s post! Aparigraha is the fifth and final yama, and here we will explore it through zen stories, Bruce Lee’s practice of non-attachment, and my personal transformative practice of non-attachment. I hope you enjoy the reading (with something nice and warm?) and this week’s practice :)

What Aparigraha Means and Why This Practice is Often Misinterpreted

The yamas, as we know, are the guidelines (so to speak) for how we should interact with the world around us. As a recap, we know:

• ahimsa = non-violence

• satya = truthfulness

• asteya = not stealing

• brahmacarya = moderation and balance

• and now, the last one: Aparigraha.

Aparigraha is made up of three components: the letter “a” at the front is a negative, meaning “non”. “Graha” means seizing, catching, holding or receiving; and “pari” means “around/from all sides”. In short: no catching, seizing, holding or receiving, from all around. Better translated as practicing non-attachment - in every way.

Developing this isn’t always easy because, unfortunately, we are born into a system that teaches us the opposite (by design). And by the end of this post you will hopefully see just why it is so important to practice this, but also just how well designed the construct is to try and hinder us from our spiritual evolutions.

The practice of non-attachment is one of the most popular “Eastern” teachings in the West, commonly attributed to Buddhism, yet present in nearly all spiritual texts, from the Tao Te Ching, to the Bhagavad Gita and more. With the popularity of this practice (even reflected in home trends like “minimalism”) also comes its misunderstanding.

Practicing “non-attachment” is not simply about being “against” material things and possessions. It is a far more comprehensive, interesting, and nuanced practice. If we are interested in doing our best, we need to go beyond the surface level (“reader’s digest” version) and really push ourselves with each yama.

There is an erroneous idea around non-attachment that anyone who has foregone material possessions is one who is well on their way in these practices. India’s holy men, the sadhus, leave all worldly things behind and begin a life of austerity. However, mimicking this does not automatically transform us. A life of austerity does not automatically equate to a holy, centred, or mindful life. (Just ask Margaret Thatcher)

This is the key misunderstanding for many who are unwilling to practice more fully. Austerity is not non-attachment. There are many people, for example, who escape to India and leave everything they own behind. But running away isn’t the answer. Simply “getting rid of stuff” is not enough. If you leave everything you own behind but you still behave in much the same way as before, there is really no learning happening.

As with all the yamas, this is best practiced comprehensively and holistically. When we apply it to material things only, we sell ourselves short. You’ll see all the different ways we can practice non-attachment, but more importantly, how transformative this practice can be when we really apply ourselves.

Letting Go in Every Way and Bruce Lee’s Method

So what are all the different ways that we can practice non-attachment?

• Emotions

• Perceptions

• Thoughts

• Beliefs

• Ideas

But let’s clarify first. This does not mean having no emotions, thoughts, ideas etc. It just means we don’t attach ourselves to them.

So let’s explore attachment to emotions: Are we very attached to others? (clingy?) Does our happiness depend on others? How about anger? If someone is rude, do you get very angry and can’t let that go all day? Or the opposite - do you try to cling on to only happy moments?

If you want to, you can instead take some time to figure out why you got so angry, or why you feel so attached; you might find an answer and that helps you realize healthier “attachments”, relationships, and reactions.

What about our thoughts? Do we keep thinking about something all day? Do we go around in circles, wondering?

Instead, try practicing writing the thought down and then letting it go. It’s out of your mind now. You don’t have to hold on to it anymore. Many times we keep holding on to thoughts out of fear that we might “forget to do something.” We can choose to hold on to thoughts for many reasons.

But making the conscious choice to let it go will free us: from worry, stress, fear, negativity, etc.

If it’s a negative thought, you can even write it down and burn the paper. Bruce Lee spent a great deal of time writing to get his thoughts out, and letting go of attachment.

He even did a visualization technique with negative thoughts. Bruce Lee would actually visualize that negative thought burning up/catching fire in his mind. This is a great way to practice letting go too.

So again - it doesn’t mean don’t think! It just means learning to let go of our attachment to our thoughts.

Letting Go of Our Beliefs, Perceptions, and Ideas: An Exploration With Two Zen Stories

We can have many different beliefs, perceptions, and ideas on a number of things: about ourselves, the world, and others.

But have you ever stopped to think about how this is actually so limiting?

The more definitions we create, the more limits we create.

The more boxes we build, the more compartmentalized we become. How can we find oneness when we have so many different ideas about how things “should” be or “could” be?

When we attach ourselves like this, we let ourselves down. We are the stories we tell ourselves. If we say we are “slow at running” then we will be slow at running. If we say we are “not good at something” we will be “bad” at that thing. If we tell ourselves we have no time, then we are unlikely to find time.

It doesn’t mean we need to lie to ourselves. But if we want to try something, what’s better? Telling ourselves we probably won’t be good at it, or just trying it and being unattached to the outcome? One of the most freeing and healthy things to do is to feel whatever you feel, but then move on. Don’t stay focused on that emotion or moment, don’t hold on to it.

Think about it: What’s the point of carrying it around?

And this idea of “carrying things around” leads me straight into some of my favorite zen stories about non-attachment. The first one is called Muddy Road:

You can click on this photo to zoom in and view larger

I always thought this story puts across non-attachment in such a great way. Ekido is hung up on all sorts of perceptions, beliefs and ideas:

• his perceptions and ideas of what monks “should” be;

• his ideas of how monks “should” act

• his beliefs: going near women is “dangerous” for monks, and he does not part with this belief. He seems unable to have a different perception even under special circumstances.

• and of course, the obvious one, he is still attached to the situation which happened many hours ago.

Next time something happens - ask yourself - “am I still carrying this with me?”

The Second Zen Story: Is That So?

You can click on this photo view it larger and zoom in

From this story we learn how Hakuin is not attached to the beliefs, ideas, or perceptions that others place on him, and nor is he attached to his beliefs, perceptions, and ideas that he may have of himself.

Hakuin, on being accused, does not become reactionary and think “I’m” a monk! “I’m” this, I’m that! How dare anyone accuse me! Reacting in such a way is to react from a place of ego and attachment. We see ourselves as a certain thing so we demand that others see us the same way. But we cannot demand others to view things through our own personal lens.

Aside from hoping for compassion, fairness, and kindness, no one should demand from others. Having ideas on how we should be seen, heard, or treated is having attachment to the ego, and of course, to each and every one of those ideas the person holds about themselves!

This is incredibly, incredibly limiting.

can you imagine this monk shouting or telling others how to perceive him?

Hakuin is also not attached to situations or outcomes. At every turn of events, Hakuin asks only “is that so?” His patience and non-attachment in this story demonstrates how all was put right without the need of his involvement. And indeed, there is a huge lesson there in and of itself.

It’s not easy, but sometimes the best option is simply not to get involved. Imagine how the story could have gone otherwise: On first instance when Hakuin is accused falsely, what if he had reacted violently or angrily? Think of how much more damage could potentially have happened.

Remember, this story is not about laying down and just taking whatever anyone says or does - it’s about focusing on the practice of non-attachment.

My Personal Practice Story - Part 1

I recently learned that one of my biggest life lessons is letting go. I have been doing a whole bunch of this lately, and for a few things, it has been very difficult. In this post, I touch on the importance of letting go - and in the post coming up this week, I dive deep into the changes that letting go can have on us, and has had on me.

Recognizing that I had more to let go of than I realized, I started really trying to clear things out.

• I have been letting go of ideas, habits, and self-traits.

• I have been trying to watch more new things - I have a tendency to stick to what I know and don’t like change.

• I don’t like pushing myself out of my comfort zone - so I have been trying new types of yoga, exercises, and routines.

• I have very set ideas on things I consider silly - but just for fodder I have been giving myself permission to do things I would normally consider “not serious enough”.

• I have a tendency to tell myself that something might not be “worth it” or I might not enjoy it; I have been letting go of my attachments to outcomes and just going for things.

• And - I have been clearing out lots and lots of things around the home too.

And you know what? The more I have done this - cleared out material things in the home - the more I have found myself.

I will touch deeper on this concept in the next post. But, the more I made space, it was like the more space there was for me to be me. We hold on to so many things for so many different reasons.

And sometimes, we might not even realize those reasons until we really force ourselves to be honest and ask - “why”? Why am I keeping this? Do I need this? What purpose does it serve? As I say, my next post will dive deeply into each of these questions, but they lead hand in hand to…

Our Practice of the Week

If you are up for it, try writing down all the things you need to let go of.

• Are there things on your to-do list that don’t really need to be there?

• Are there appointments you made with people that you don’t really want to go to? Maybe you keep them diarised because you are attached: to keeping up impressions and perceptions, to outcomes…?

• Are there ideas about yourself or the world that you feel strongly attached to?

• Are we set in our ways, about others, ourselves, and the world? Do we refuse to keep our mind open and clear, starting anew each day?

• Do we refuse to consider or listen to another person’s opinion or point of view?

• Do we maybe stick to a plan or even a version of ourself because we think it’s right?

You don’t need to have everything figured out - this is a lifelong, constant process.

So choose something you would like to work on, and really let go. Get rid of things in the house that you don’t use. Get rid of clothing that you don’t usually wear.

But go one step further - be conscious in your decision making and don’t allow yourself to make room to “just buy it again” / “just in case”.

Be mindful - make the next commitment step on the process and promise yourself not to keep buying those things you may end up having to clear out again.

So whether you choose to clear out things in your home, or clutter in your mind, let me know! :) I can’t wait to share my deeper practice with letting go in the next post - see you there in a few days! :)