Balancing Restraint, Minimalism and Over-Consumption

Abstaining and Functionality: When Have You Gone Too Far?

Hello! In this week’s post, which as I said in my last one - we discuss an interesting topic. As you can see, it relates directly to last week’s post where I describe how we removed the TV from our home. Doing this didn’t spark the reflection which is the topic of this post - but it added to something I had already been reflecting on over the past couple months. There are some considerations to think of when balancing and weighing the pros and cons of different choices: have you gone too far with refraining from making purchases? Have you cut back on things that may otherwise bring you joy, or even help you stay organized?

So this week, I talk about trying to find balance. How do we try and stay in line with our values: such as slow living, mindful consumption, minimalism, and moderation - but be mindful not to cross into the threshold of potentially depriving ourselves, unknowingly?

Not depriving ourselves of “anything” and everything - because that’s the traditional "scarcity / fear of missing out” mindset which we try to avoid. Rather, depriving ourselves of the very same experiences and values that we actually do want to maintain and continue.

So this week I share my tips for balancing:

• Frugality

• minimalism

• functionality

• practicality; and

• consumption

Making sure we don’t unknowingly restrict ourselves, or unknowingly “deprive” ourselves. Again - of things and experiences which bring us joy, or that are in fact experiences directly in line with our values.

Being Frugal, Depriving Ourselves, and Mindful Consumption - How Do We Find the Right Balance?

How do we know when we have abstained too much, or prioritised functionality and practicality beyond what’s needed?

We can’t always make 100% perfect choices and as we change, we may reflect differently on things too. But how do we ensure that we aren’t taking minimalism, or lack of consumption, or budgeting, or slow living - or any of these concepts that help us live a more balanced and in control life - too far?

As we follow a yogic, zen, or minimalist/slow living style path, we come across different confrontations based on society’s priorities and speed. As mentioned above, there is the constant “fear of missing out”, comparison, fast-paced life, “you only live once” (have that pizza! buy that thing! treat yourself!) and so on.

Society can make you feel like if you don’t buy now, you might be missing out. Sometimes, marketing, sales, people, or brands can even make people feel like:

• if you don’t get it now, there won’t be another time!

• You could miss out completely!

• That candle might never be in stock again!

• This experience will only come around once!

And honestly, while it may be more true for experiences than material things, at the end of the day, even if you do miss out, it isn’t the most awful thing ever - as society makes you think it is.

But if we explore some of our core concepts and values - like the five Yamas in yoga,

and

Both advocate for moderation.

In Buddhism, we have “right” use of energy, or “right action”; moderation is echoed loudly in pretty much every spiritual practice.

Minimalism and slow living also teach and tell us that valuing your ideals - your family, your own life, your time, your pace - is more important than anything else. It will give you more happiness than prioritising what society tells you to prioritise.

So whether you follow a Yogic path, a zen path, or simply a slower path of life where you consciously strive to align with and prioritize what you value - over what society tells you to value - then chances are you will have come across some of these considerations:

How do you know when you are going too far?

• Have you decluttered too much?

• Is your home too empty?

• Is there such a thing?

• Have you refrained from making purchases but are unsure if it was the right choice?

The reality is that it is hard to find your balance, and honestly, the balance will keep changing. One thing that doesn’t change though, is the more you strip back, the more obvious your values are.

A lot of people can’t sit in silence and stillness. For me, there is nothing more serene than sitting in a very stripped back, “empty” room. Nothing on the countertops or worktops, knowing there are no closets or drawers or cabinets bursting with things, etc etc. I sit in silence and listen to the world around me pretty much all the time. It just makes me very happy.

As I discussed in last week’s post, we removed the TV from our living room, and stored it in my closet. And whilst this is not the action that sparked the realization behind this post, it did add to a thought I have been mulling over for some time.

Abstaining and Functionality: When Have You Gone Too Far?

The reality is there is no set way to determine or know if you have decluttered too much, gone too far on your “no-spend” commitment, or anything else.

For a start, it’s a personal threshold and preference. There are some people who are happy to have an empty bedroom with a fold-up style mattress and basic bedding, right on the floor. Others would see that as going too far. Personally, a fold-up mattress is just not me. I see the appeal, but - as this post is about - I actually start to see that as a deprivation in an area of your life where quality and comfort matters. We spend many hours sleeping and being comfortable. A healthy, safe mattress, is - for me - a priority.

Don’t get me wrong - our bedroom only has a bed, one dresser, and two bedside tables. In fact, we haven’t even purchased bedside tables yet and are just repurposing some 10$ IKEA sitting stools that we have had for years. And the only reason we won’t keep these as bedside tables is that they are just too small to place a teacup, a light, and our books on - three things we both use every night.

That’s it. But there is a bed. For me, I enjoy walking into a nice bedroom with a nice bed. The room is still super minimal but, there is an actual bed and quality mattress there. (all natural mattress made of wool!)

So the line, in an example such as this - which is pretty important: sleep quality, bed quality - is obviously very different to many people. Some are happy with a roll-away mattress and they don’t think they are depriving themselves of anything (and I am not saying they are).

So that’s the point. How do we best quantify and analyze what our line is?

How can we know if the choice we have made has gone a bit too far?

For us, the decision to remove the TV from the living room was one of a couple others that helped us gain some clarity. Here’s how.

First of all, like it says above, the more stripped back, the more apparent your values.

Over Christmas, my partner very kindly gifted me those new Harry Potter editions which have pop-ups and all sorts going on - the “Minalima” editions. They are amazing, really cool, super engaging, magical books. It makes it feel like I am reading the series all over again. And I already have and rave about the big hardcover Jim Kay editions.

It was these books that started this thinking process for me.

When I first saw them in the bookstore, I thought they were really cool. But I said - I don’t need them, there’s no real point to them, right? Why do I need to have three different editions of the same books? I have the originals, the Jim Kay large hardcovers, and now these too? I said purchasing these editions can totally be classified as an unnecessary spend.

And here’s the thing - it may well be an unnecessary spend to a lot of people.

But when I experienced them - since my partner gifted them to me - I was actually really surprised at what I realized, and it is what led to writing this post.

The thing is:

• One of the things I value most is downtime;

• I want to prioritize reading and quiet time;

• I love these books so they are already one of the few things which pass my strict vetting process and I genuinely get joy out of reading the books;

I realized that by saying no to this purchase, I would have deprived myself of the very thing I enjoy doing: reading, downtime, experiencing something creative, captivating and cool, and just general moments of happiness.

These are all things I value.

Whilst yes, it is not necessary to own this book in order to have this, I kind of really felt that being too strict, too dogmatic, or too “functional” and practical with certain choices could ultimately leave you robbing yourself of some happy moments and experiences.

Technically, most things aren’t necessary.

So to keep a balance in your life where you don’t go too restrictive, can be hard.

But to make all choices guided predominately by necessity and with no consideration of the potential something could have to contribute to your values, and joy, could be a real mistake.

Then it got me thinking about our TV choice we recently made. Yes - we prefer the living room without it and we don’t miss it. But…

I did start thinking. Well, video games give us those same things that we value:

Family time, memories, laughter, happiness, play…

I said - imagine if we had always been living without a TV or consoles - think about all those times and memories we shared where we had so much and laughs playing video games together. If we had been this strict about not having a TV back then, we would have never made those memories, had those laughs, had all that fun time… Something to consider isn’t it?

See - if something is bringing you joy, and it aligns with your values - then this is where you have to start thinking about where that line really is.

Lots of things make us laugh. Last night we had a blast playing a quiz together - another great memory made.

But the memories made playing video games together, or with my brother, or with my dad and brother growing up - all of those are fantastic too. They were all great quality times - they are all experiences I really value.

And just like with the books, you have to consider the fact that perhaps some choices can end up having some unintended negative effects.

I started thinking that, potentially, some choices could actually deprive you of things. They may inadvertently deprive you of good times, great memories, things you value, and even time spent with others.

And this is really where the consideration takes place.

So in order to find your line, your “point”, it’s important to really consider some choices carefully.

We both agree that the living room is better without a TV, but a TV is a nice thing to have for consoles and movies, because some of the things we value: quality and family time - are positively impacted with right use of the TV. An entertainment room would be the ideal place for us to have a TV.

Balancing functionality and pragmatism

There’s an inadvertent effect that functionality and pragmatism can have on things you enjoy and your values. So next time, try asking yourself these questions:

• Do I need it?

• If yes, then weigh up your usual further questions and make the purchase/choice.

• If the answer is no, and you know you don’t “need” that thing/choice, then consider this:

• Will it bring me joy, memories, or times that are in line with my values? that’s the question you should always ask, and always try to answer honestly.

Instead, if it will it only bring instant gratification, think carefully. For example, will buying this teacup and saucer set give me instant gratification? Am I buying it just because it’s pretty? Do I need it? Do I already have others at home?

Or, will the purchase/choice contribute to something I genuinely value? Will it make a difference in my life worth noting?

As long as you ask yourself that question and really aim to answer honestly, you can at least help yourself find a good balance. The most important thing to remember is to check in regularly and consider your values. When have you made a choice to forgo purchasing or doing something, that upon reflection, would end up (or could or did end up) depriving you of a fond, happy, playful, family memory/time?