Creating Mindful and Healthy Habits You'll Actually Want to Continue Doing

A Follow-Along Checklist and Your Mindfulness Practice of the Week

Hello!! :) Welcome back to another moment of reflection and downtime. Please note, this post is too long to read in your email, so please click “read online” and enjoy it there. If you have a laptop, computer, or ipad, I encourage you to use that to read, instead of your phone :) Remember, you can also click “reader view” to read more easily.

I always hope anyone reading will have some tea or a nice drink that they can settle in and enjoy the piece with. This week we continue our mindfulness practices by exploring what - if any - routines or healthy structures (as I prefer to call them!) we have. I cover how to recognize what may already be a positive routine, how to build one, what to avoid, and tips for being able to stay on track without feeling like you have to force yourself.

As always, thank you so much for being here and for reading, and I hope you find this valuable and useful :)

Why I Prefer to Call “Routines” a “Healthy Structure”

If you look online or read books about a “morning routine” or a “mindfulness routine” or any of these supposed ways to have a consistent daily ritual, you get a lot of the same things. Usually, a morning routine will have most of the following elements:

• Wake up early (5 or 5:30)

• Time for yourself

• Meditation

• Exploring a hobby or interest

• Learning (i.e. studying, podcasts, reading)

• Exercise

• Yoga

• And with trendy “hippie” women you’ll have journaling too

Here’s the thing…did you know there are actually a lot of different ways to do each of those things?

For example, I live in the country. If I go for a walk to collect firewood, or flowers, or simply to be out in the rain - that is exercise. If I’m working hard to cut the overgrowing garden - trust me! - that is exercise!

If you enjoy walking somewhere in the morning and coming back home to then have your breakfast - guess what - that is exercise. Sure - you might not get a 6 pack - especially if you are walking to the bakery for some croissants - but guess what?

Opening our eyes to the reality that all these things will look different to all of us is such a huge way to shift our understanding of what a “healthy” routine is.

This is why you should better consider a “morning routine” or any positive routine as more of a healthy structure that you aim for, rather than some set in stone rules that you must follow like some army regiment.

Like I discuss in a lot of my posts, treating ourselves with kindness is the most important routine we can have. If you are trying to practice mindfulness, or study something, or read, while you speak critically or harshly of yourself - then you are doing yourself no favors.

Forcing yourself to abide by someone else’s arbitrary rules will never work. So instead, let’s explore these “healthy” / mindfulness habits under different lights.

Start By Recognizing What You Already Do

Let’s Write it all Down and Recognize What’s Already Great

The other day I stopped to think about how my morning routine has changed ever since I changed jobs. I used to get up early / very early, meditate, journal (or try to), do yoga, and do an ab workout three times a week (max).

In contrast, my routine is now very different. At first glance, it wouldn’t seem like a “morning routine” at all when compared to those cliche ones everyone pushes. Now I get up (anywhere between 6-7:30am), drink a nice glass of water, read some different things (like watercolor techniques or a story), or just stare out the window, then at around 8:30 or so I eat my bowl of porridge (same as before), I take it with orange juice, and some multivitamins. I try and do all this before using my phone for anything. Some days, I go for a walk or bike ride.

This is a routine.

However, we are usually force-fed a very different image of a healthy morning routine and these comparisons are not only pointless, but harmful.

When I worked a normal office job, my work day started at 9am. This meant I had to optimize my time by getting up very early. Also, because I was sitting at home (at my desk) all day, I felt like I really had to try hard and ensure I got some form of exercise in - even when I didn’t want to, because otherwise I simply wouldn’t be moving the whole day.

Let me add here an important note for women:

As a woman, you should be very aware of your time of the month and follow your entire cycle as a whole. You are not meant to be on go-mode 24/7 every day of the month. The week before your period, it is best if you rest, do very light exercise (if any) and do more downtime activities - rather than super intense training, inversions, hardcore yoga flows etc etc…

With all due respect, you shouldn’t be overworking yourself before your period, and certainly not during it.

The online world - and society as a whole - convinces women that to be strong, or worse, equal with men, we must have the same behavioral patterns. This does not make us equal. This just makes women a clone of men.

The reality is that as women we should be resting, nesting, and slowing down far more than males do. This way we work in unison with our changes throughout the month. So a “morning routine” that is always identically the same every single day of the month is not only unnatural for a woman, but also impractical and unrealistic as a whole.

I would emphasise that such regimented regularity is pretty impractical and unrealistic for anyone to seriously commit to. Even pro athletes vary the way they train (time, intensity, days off etc). So be very, very wary of any one who claims to do the same exact thing every single day, without fail. Chances are, they don’t. And if they do, they aren’t being mindful of their body.

So: Let’s Write it all Down and Recognize What’s Already Great

Like I realized, there are probably things you already do every day (or most days), which form natural part of your daily habits or rituals.

Maybe this is grinding coffee beans. Maybe it’s opening the curtains and looking out the window. Maybe it’s making a drink. Playing music. It could be anything at all.

Take a moment and think about what you usually do every morning - make a list. Write down everything, even if it’s something you don’t like such as “I check my phone shortly after waking up”. Or, “I look at work or think about work shortly after waking up.”

Take the time to write out all the things that you think are positive and negative about how you spend your mornings. Maybe you only have 30 minutes before you leave the house, maybe you have hours, maybe you work from home, or don’t work…

• How many things are on your list? How many things on that list are positive?

• Of those things, which do you wish to expand or keep doing?

• Which of them are something you would look to change? Or stop doing?

• Do you do different things on different days?

Now write a list of what your perfect morning would look like. What are you doing? What vision of how you spend your time makes you happy? What do you hear when you wake up? What do you think about? How do you feel? What would you like to do? How would you like to spend your time? What do you love, or love to do first thing in the morning? What would make you happiest?

Now see if there is anything that shows up on both lists: Your “ideal” list, and your “current” list. If there is, that’s great! That is a super achievement and you should be happy with yourself for being able to have at least one (or more!) things you love that you already do.

How To Build Habits That You’ll Want to Stick With

By completing the previous exercise you’ll have a really clear vision for what your ideal morning or day would look like. You can see what you are currently doing and compare that against what you would love to be doing. You’ll see which things on your “ideal” list are already on your current morning list and you can build your routine from there.

When we want to approach these types of things - creating structure or balance in our life - we have to take into account who we are as people.

As I say earlier: when you search for morning routines or inspiration on how to have a positive/healthy morning/day structure, you will find idealized, cookie-cutter versions of what the “right” routine is. What a “healthy” habit is. These are bog-standard lists that do not represent you as an individual.

The reality is that we are all very different, and we all also have different lives, responsibilities, beliefs, interests and more. So we have to take the time to be honest and open with ourselves first, before we can really begin to carve out a “routine” or structure.

We all have different hobbies, lifestyles, commitments, and responsibilities

Now that you have your two lists: what you would love to do, and what you currently do - and you have matched up anything that overlaps - it’s time to think about the next step and the third list:

• What is your current lifestyle?

• What responsibilities do you have? Don’t be general and overwhelmed here - be specific. For example “I have a baby who needs food.” “I have a dog I need to walk before 8am” etc… Don’t think “I’m a dad! I have tons of responsibilities!” Instead, what are some non-negotiable, genuine responsibilities that you have to do every morning. (You may not have any!) Really think about what you don’t need to do.

• How much time do you have?

• If it’s not much, can you change that? Do you want to? If you can’t change it because you work a 9-5 desk job, for example, then think about what you want to really prioritize.

• If it’s a lot of free time, consider structuring it - I have actually found imposing limits to be helpful, so I can move on to another activity, rather than being obsessive with one single activity. For example, if I have painted for 2 hours, even if I am not done, I tell myself to go for a walk and I break out of the OCD-style activity/mindset. Imposing limits on activities provides structure and the ability to do a few more things mindfully, rather than one single thing obsessively.

Remember, it is crucial that you consider your current lifestyle.

It is important to remember that lifestyles change too - you might really enjoy reading for a period, but you might change and prefer to listen to music, or listen to a podcast. This is completely normal - remember that your routine is yours and doesn’t have to look any certain way. Be aware of what you are doing currently and don’t make plans for what you want to be doing. How do you really spend your time right now?

Tips For Staying On Track

What to Avoid When Aiming to Start a New Healthy Routine or Habit

As I express throughout the piece, the key things to remember when you think about a healthy habit or routine, are the following:

• Do not compare yourself to anyone else

• Think about your own life, current habits, responsibilities (if any), likes etc

• Don’t assume that something is positive for you just because it forms part of the cookie-cutter list of a “morning routine” or “healthy habits”

• Don’t force yourself to do something or to stick with something;

• Instead, if you find yourself falling short - take time to consider why. Maybe it doesn’t feel helpful, fun or good; maybe you’re not really interested in it; maybe you don’t have enough time; see if there is a serious reason behind your inability to make something stick.

• Recognize where you are already habitual about the things you like/love, and applaud yourself for that. So if something isn’t sticking, it’s not your failing or shortcoming - it just probably isn’t right for you.

• You already do positive things for yourself - you should feel excited about adding more things you’d like to do - not overwhelmed trying to micro-manage your activities

My Personal Story

Building a Mindfulness Routine That Works For Me

I struggled for a long time with a mix of perfectionism / OCD type behaviors (and I am still learning and improving), and this resulted in me being very hard on myself. I achieved highly in sports as a professional tennis player, and academically, and I am always teaching myself things, from painting to playing instruments, embroidery, and more. So I recognize that my determination and obsessive discipline have also gifted me a lot of positives. However, it is paramount to manage ourselves.

Due to this pressure I put on myself, I always compared myself to other high-achievers. So-and-so piano virtuoso can play amazingly and doesn’t even look at the keys when he plays. Now, however, I don’t even care about these kind of comparisons. In fact, I can now quite often play without looking at the keys. It’s not impressive - it just means you’ve spent a great deal of time on the instrument. That’s it. That’s why you know where stuff is. For me a “long time” might be back to back days 3 in a row where I play for about 2 hours a day. By the 4th / 5th day I don’t have to really look and I can play all the chords, melody etc. It isn’t a special talent.

As a novice however, playing piano well without having to look at the keys seemed really impressive to me. “I’ll never be that good!” But with all frankness, I don’t ever practice! I only sit down on the piano to work out songs I like, or improvise randomly without having a clue what I’m hitting; I usually practice the songs I want to learn for an hour or more if they are complicated (i.e. many chords, fast changes, difficult vocal melody on right hand with lots of chord changes on left hand). If it’s chords however, I get the song pretty instantly, it’s just quickly memorizing the order of them…

But that’s it. I’ve never done scales or done any kind of piano “practice”. But can you imagine, I held myself to these ridiculous piano virtuoso standards when I never practiced and knew I didn’t take piano seriously!

Comparing yourself to others is super negative, period. There are ways where comparison can help - when you are studying to achieve proficiency in something, for example, but when we apply this level of expectation on ourselves for the minutia of daily life, our hobbies, or our health practices, we do ourselves a great disservice.

I spent years trying to be what I thought I should be or what I thought or knew others wanted me to be. When it came to routines and healthy lifestyle practices, I took inspiration and advice from other women online who I thought were trustworthy, kind, and wise. Whilst I still think they are these things, what I failed to realize was that these people did not know me.

They did not suggest healthy lifestyle practices based upon my needs, personality, or lifestyle. They were just people online or in books who spoke about what works for them - and quite frankly are making a buck out of it anyway! And some people preach practices like they are absolute and everyone would benefit from them.

Journaling was one of these things that everyone always harped on about. As a writer, I thought what could be better for me? But I was never able to make journaling stick. Instead of recognizing that this activity was simply not right for me, I felt like I was failing and couldn’t understand why these other women could do this so dogmatically and consistently and I couldn’t make it stick.

When I felt like I wanted a break from yoga, or meditation, I told myself that I was failing again. “You’re so lame, you can’t stick with anything”. This is how I used to speak to myself. In fact, I said this to myself even though I have been practicing yoga since I was a kid. My approach to yoga practice - or personal “routine” - had always been to do it “on and off”. But I didn’t see that general, slow pattern. I only saw what I perceived as failure because I was not doing yoga every single day like some other people were.

So I would say to myself that I was failing. Even though I had actually been practicing nearly every single day for 2 years straight. When I decided to slow down, it was to live more in tune with my monthly cycle, because I noticed the gentler I was before my period, the better my body and cycle felt. However, just because I wanted a break or some downtime from this activity - that I had clearly been doing with great discipline and consistency for years - I still saw myself as a failure.

This negative self-talk and meaningless comparisons to others was one of the first things I’ve worked to change. By being kind and gentle to myself, it’s almost like I have allowed myself to live and breathe. I no longer place expectations on myself: not of what I should be, or should be doing, or because of comparisons to others who are doing X activity every day, and so on. Good for them if they say they do it everyday. That’s not me. And that’s not failing. That’s just ok.

I go at my own pace now, and I encourage you to do the same. Use all the tools and tips in this post to help you do that. I have redefined what these activities mean for me. So please do the same. Make them applicable to who you are and what you really do.

I always understood that mindfulness was something to practice every moment; but it wasn’t until I really slowed down and did only one thing at one time, and allowed myself to stop rushing, and start immersing myself instead - without a care to the time something might take - that I really applied this principal I intellectually understood yet had failed to properly practice with regularity.

So here are some of the typical “morning routine” activities, redefined:

• Wake up early (5 or 5:30). Wake up when it suits you - don’t force yourself to get up at a time that doesn’t work for you. Maybe 6am is great. Maybe 7am. Just follow your own guidance and pace.

• Time for yourself. This can look like anything at all. It can be as simple as lighting a candle and cleaning your face, or as long as four hours to yourself. Remember - you define it. No one else.

• Meditation. You don’t have to follow guided meditations, or anything else - honestly, most are all way off the reality of what meditating is. It’s just breathing. It isn’t complex. Just sit and breathe, don’t even call it meditation - the word is overused now. Don’t overthink. don’t try. Just breathe. And guess what, you can do it by taking a walk. By being with your friends. By cooking. As long as you are fully immersed and doing each thing with full mindful awareness, you are doing fine.

• Exploring a hobby or interest - you don’t need all the gear and no idea. You don’t need the perfect space. Or the perfect type of paper. You can explore a hobby by watching videos about it to learn more, practicing it a little or a lot. You define it.

• Learning (i.e. studying, podcasts, reading). If you spent time reading about something new today, you would have ticked this box off. A lot of times, we do this without realizing. So you don’t have to sit and listen to a 1 hour podcast and learn tons of facts in order for this to be valid.

• Exercise - please remember that this can be valid if you just go for a 5 minute walk. You don’t need to live up to anyone else’s idea of exercise - you need to listen to how you feel. If working out doesn’t work for you, don’t force yourself.

• Yoga - whatever everyone tells you yoga is, please just do the opposite. Sit on the floor and have a little stretch while you breathe calmly and mindfully. Congratulations, that’s yoga.

I hope you find this piece valuable and helpful. Remember, be kind and gentle with yourself, think about what really works for you, and don’t ever care about what anyone else is doing. They are not important to your life!

Lots of love <3